“I will make you a bare rock; you will be a place for the spreading of nets, you will be built no more; for I, Adonai, have spoken.” It is a declaration of Adonai.”
Ezekiel 26:14 TLV
When we made our first big move, a friend wrote me a meaningful farewell message and blessing about us leaving our homeland and stepping out in faith like Abraham and Sarah did. There was much more to it, but I always had a feeling we would “come home” at some point and finally settle.
Fast forward to today. Vance and I have driven hundreds of miles (ok, he drives, I sleep) searching for “home.” It’s been discouraging to say the least. One thing we recently realized though was confirmed when I read today’s passage: sometimes you cannot rebuild.
Each time we’ve left an area, we have done so with faith and intention. And a few times, we tried to “come back” only to discover that most relationships didn’t stand the test of time like we thought they would. People change. I’ve changed. And who I am today cannot slip back into the old relationships because I am no longer the same person. I’ve had to come to terms with that, grieve the loss for what I thought was “home”, and accept that it’s really ok.
As we’ve driven East Texas roads searching for home for the last 6 months, I’ve had to grieve the loss of a dream I held about what “home” looked and felt like. I’ve come to realize G-d is not calling me to rebuild on the same rock. He’s calling me to a new rock. He’s calling me to a new place because I am a different person – and that’s ok.
The old ruins of my life are gone. He’s blown away the dust and left the rock bare – unfit to be rebuilt upon. It saddens me yet it frees me to be fully released of the past so I can receive what’s ahead. I don’t know what it looks like or where it will be but I know He has a place for me and my family where we will be finally be home.
Father – thank You for Your Word. You know our heart and our need. Please guide our steps. You are good and You keep doing good. Your leadership in my life is perfect and You can be trusted. Amen.
Daily Reading: Ezekiel 24-27
September 4, 2022