“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 NKJV
A dear friend whom we sought counsel from, Jeff, gave us a piece of wisdom early in our parenting journey that shaped our parenting philosophy, prophetic parenting, and having a vision for our children – he encouraged us to do three things: start young, train with intention, and look for their specific “bent.” Jeff explained that training a child according to their specific bent was, in his opinion, the key to Biblical parenting. He based his counsel to us this on the popular parenting verse found above.
I personally had a very narrow understanding of this verse. I thought if I took them to church, taught them scripture, and disciplined them enough, they would walk with God at some point in their life. I looked at this verse as a promise – take them to church and they’ll follow in my footsteps of faith.
Wrong.
This verse is so much more than that. I learned from studying the scriptures and seeking counsel that this verse held specific principles in parenting God’s way.
Here’s how the Amplified version reads:
Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s
wisdom and will for his abilities and talents], Even when he is old he
will not depart from it.
The Passion Translation puts it another way:
Dedicate your children to God and point them in the way that they should Go [or “Train them in the direction they are best suited to go.”], and the values they’ve learned from you will be with them for life.
The Passion Translation also adds this study note to Proverbs 22:6: “Some Jewish scholars teach this means understanding your children’s talents and then seeing that they go into that field.”
Best suited for them…not me….teach them to seek God for wisdom…not me.
Parenting God’s way – it’s about Him – not me.
Back to my friend’s wisdom: start young, train with intention, and follow their bent.
I believe God just wants us to start, no matter what age our children are. While all of these translations specifically say children, and the implication is a young child, it is encouraging to note that the Hebrew word for “child” in this verse, nahar, implies a wide age range – infancy to young 20s.
Train with intention…. From my experience, training of any kind takes time and intention – whether training for a new job or some physical feat. When I trained for the Cowtown 10K many years ago, a friend made a very detailed training guide. She told me how far to run each day, where to go to run hills, what to eat, etc. A dear friend that recently completed her first Ironman shared that the training she received was a key factor in being successful. Without proper training – and without following the training prepared specifically for her by her coach – she may not have been successful. Training requires a plan and training takes time. In reality, training never ends.
To me, that’s how I apply my friend’s advice to train with intention. For us, we had some “Purtell Family Principles” that we posted as a reminder to both them and us. I cannot tell you HOW many times I held their little hand, walked them to the refrigerator, and read one of the principles. Though our poster is now worn and faded, the principles are still a tool we use and refer to often.
Follow their bent… To me, this is the heart of prophetic parenting. Randal and Alathia have specific giftings and callings. They are wired differently. The discipline that worked for Randal didn’t phase Alathia. The encouragement that worked for her didn’t affect him. The call of God on Randal’s life is completely different than the call on Alathia’s life. God was gracious to show us Randal’s call at a young age – a worshipper. He got his first guitar when he was three, started lessons three years later, and got his “real” guitar, a Martin, soon after. We invested in his gift – Randal was passionate about playing the guitar and worshipping. Everyone of us has a different ‘bent’ – our personalities and abilities are as unique as our own fingerprints. There is only one you and only one me. To me, “following their bent” means allowing them to be who God made them to be while continually pointing them to God, His Word, and a personal relationship with Him.
Parenting God’s way – hearing His voice then responding to Him and teaching your children to hear His voice and respond to Him – this is what Prophetic Parenting is all about. More than anything – may I help position my children to walk in the fullness of all G-d has for them – no matter what it is and no matter where it takes them.
Father, teach me know and hear Your voice that we would walk in Your ways. Capture Randal and Alathia’s hearts. Give them dreams and visions. Give Vance and me wisdom and grace. You love them far more than we do. You are good and You keep doing good. Your leadership in my life is perfect and You can be trusted. Amen.
Daily Reading: Proverbs 22-24
June 10, 2022