“You shall walk after the Lord your God and you shall fear [and worship] Him [with awe-filled reverence and profound respect], and you shall keep His commandments and you shall listen to His voice, and you shall serve Him, and cling to Him.”
Deuteronomy 13:4 AMP
Clingy. I don’t like it. At all. I love my personal space and for some reason “clingy” makes me uncomfortable. It feels awkward to me.
That’s why today’s reading slapped me in the face – He wants me to serve Him and to CLING to Him. WHAT?! But Lord – I don’t like clingy!!
The Hebrew word for cling is dāḇaq and is more accurately translated as to cleave to, to stay close to, to stick to or stick with, or to follow closely behind. It’s the same word used to describe how Ruth responded to Naomi when given choice to leave her mother in law. Ruth held fast to her – refusing to leave her side (Ruth 1:14). It’s also the word used to describe how a man shall cleave to his wife in marriage (Genesis 2:24).
The Lord is stirring up my heart with this imagery and the feeling it invokes in my heart. Why don’t I like someone hanging on me??!! Why do I cringe when I see someone being clingy??!!
In the quiet space of waiting, He answers those questions for me and revealed a lie I didn’t realize I had embraced – clinging to someone is a sign of weakness.
As a woman who has experienced abuse, somewhere along the way I told myself I would not allow myself to be truly and totally dependent on another person because it puts me in a vulnerable position. My entire life, I’ve fought against any perception, sign, or hint of weakness in me, and for some reason, I equated “clingy” as weak. Therefore, stubbornness became a shield I’ve used to fend off anything or anyone that is clingy – physically or emotionally.
In the quietness with Him, G-d lovingly convicts me. I rebel against the physical feeling clinginess invokes (heaviness) and the emotion that it awakens in me(fear). I don’t like weakness at all – perceived or real. I don’t want to be dependent or indebted. I don’t want to “owe” someone. Yet – I do.
I owe Someone a debt I could not pay, so He paid it. And in return, He asks me to come in close, close enough that I can touch Him, close enough that I may step on His heels, close enough that I can hear His whisper, and close enough that He can catch me when I stumble from exhaustion.
During my word study today I discovered something interesting. Our modern English word “climb” is derived from both the Old English word climban and from the West Germanic *klimban – meaning to “go up by clinging” which made me think about Alathia. She loves to climb trees because things just look different – the light shining through the leaves, the things around her – it all looks different when she’s perched high in the branches as opposed to having her feet on the ground. Perhaps that’s the key to shifting my perspective and thoughts – I must “go up by clinging”. Intimacy with G-d and intimacy with my husband requires clinging physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Instead of rebelling at the feeling, I will endeavor to embrace the feeling it evokes as a reminder of the strength I find in clinging to Him because His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Father – thank You for how You lovingly convict me. Heal the place in my heart that You’ve revealed. You are good. You are gracious and kind. Your leadership in my life is perfect and I trust You with the broken places in my mind and in my heart. Amen.
Daily Reading: Deuteronomy 11-13