“And the effect of righteousness will be peace, And the result of righteousness will be quietness and confident trust forever. Then my people will live in a peaceful surrounding, And in secure dwellings and in undisturbed resting places.”
Isaiah 32:17-18 AMP
I gave up everything and took all the debt. I had one pay check to my name in a checking account I had opened just days before. It was an easy move because I didn’t have much stuff. In fact – most of what I moved in was donated. I had little – but I was safe – I felt safe and knew he wouldn’t hurt me again – for the fist time in 4 years.
The first night in my apartment as a newly single, separated and soon – to – be – divorced woman, I had an encounter with the Lord. As I stood at the kitchen sink after my parents and closest friend left, the reality of what had happened hit me. So many thoughts hit me in that moment. The church had taught me “G-d hates divorce” – and if that’s the case, since I was staring one in the face, I was certain that meant He hated those involved in it. I wondered how I would pay off the debt and if I could really do this. The future I imagined was no more. I had no idea what was before me.
Suddenly feeling overwhelmed with a feeling of shame, I placed both hands on the counter, closed my eyes and whispered a question, “Lord, what must You think of me? What would You say to me if I could hear You speak?” And in the very next breath, I heard a response: “I would tell you that I love you still.”
In time I would come to know the voice I heard that day very well. Maybe that memory holds deep meaning for me simply because it was the first time I heard it – heard His voice, the voice of G-d – I’m not sure. But in the days and months that followed, I would repeat those words to myself when shame and self hate threaten to drown me: He would tell me He loves me.
One day shortly after I moved I read this passage in Isaiah for the first time and clung to it, repeating it often: my people shall live in peaceful dwelling places, in undisturbed places of rest.
When I read the passage this morning, I was struck at how the Lord has kept His word to me. Since that night at the sink over 25 years ago, I’ve called 14 different places home, and each home has been a peaceful dwelling, an undisturbed place of rest. And funny enough, Vance was part of a two man crew that moved me out of that first apartment on Blue Danube – but we were just friends then.
Life has taken us on quite the journey. We’ve tried to look back and spent time wondering where we would be if we made different decisions along the way, but we can’t decide who we would leave out of our story.
Randal was born in our treehouse home. The treehouse home also served as a temporary landing pad for the Griffings and later missionaries. We hosted so many events in our large living area and had a cold – but entertaining- first thanksgiving. Tyler was incredible. I prayed for a job that would pay me to work from home and I got one. Our Tyler family carried us through the loss of two babies and fed us when we our cupboards were empty. Back home to the metroplex was surely the last move and living across from Shady Grove was glorious. Serving the Griffings shaped me more than any other call. Then Kentucky- who would I be, who would WE be, without our beloved blue grass, KWAG, Gay and John, The Selfs, and some super sevens. The days of snot on my shoulders and being cussed at in church were rich. Deep joy found me there – her name is Randi. Loaves of challah and so many shabbats. And who could forget that Passover spaghetti? They carried us when Vance was so dangerously sick and taught us about slowing down. An underserved promotion and a call to honor our parents brought us home to Texas. I lost my voice but found deep healing the same month I saw my daughter shine with OCC. We’ve had the privilege of having both parents as back door neighbors.
On and on the memories go – and woven in the tapestry of our many homes are beautiful memories of places filled with great joy, peace that surpasses understanding, and undisturbed places of rest. The tapestry would be incomplete if one piece or one home was missing.
The truth is that I wouldn’t be who I am without each home that built me, and as a family, we wouldn’t be who we are. It’s been a hard price for our children to pay, I recognize that. It’s been a hard price for relationships – the deep, lifelong, abiding ones are hard to maintain when you move so much.
We both feel we have one more move ahead of us and we’ll finally unpack for good. I have incredible anticipation and excitement just thinking about it. Whether I’m right or I’m wrong, His promise is as sure to me today as it was years ago when He first spoke to me: He would tell me He loves me. No matter where I am, no matter where I go, His love goes before and behind me. His love keeps me secure. His love sustains me. And His love is where I find my home.
Father – thank You for Your Word and Your promise. Thank You for speaking to me that day when I was broken and ashamed so many years ago. Thank You for each home You’ve e called us to. You know our desire for our children and what we need. I choose to trust You. You are good and You keep doing good. Your leadership in my life is perfect and You can be trusted. Amen.
Daily Reading: Isaiah 31-34
July 23, 2022