“For Your lovingkindness is great and higher than the heavens; Your truth reaches to the skies. Be exalted [in majesty], O God, above the heavens, And Your glory above all the earth. That Your beloved [ones] may be rescued, Save with Your right hand, and answer me!”
Psalms 108:4-6 AMP
Heights. They terrify me. Recently I told myself I was just over it so I decided to scale the tower next to my parents house because I didn’t want my dad alone on the roof. But alas – no matter how much I told myself that I WOULD and COULD do this, I still felt the fear physically – shaky, unsteady, uncomfortable. No matter how I’ve tried to overcome it, I physically react to heights.
But you know what else is terrifying to me? Love. Specifically to love and to BE loved because doing so requires me to scale the heights of intimacy and embrace vulnerability, and vulnerability makes room for rejection, disappointment, and fear.
Heights scare me. I have an adverse physical reaction every time I am “high up” as my equilibrium is tilted though the view from the top is breathtaking. To think that G-d’s lovingkindness and mercy for me is higher than the clouds, deeper than the sea, farther than the east is from the west – well, it’s hard to fathom and it makes the risk worth taking and the fear worth embracing because I know I won’t be or go alone. He will be with me just like my dear friend and colleague, Rebecca, was with me, holding my hands as I buried my face in her back, eyes glued shut, the day we made the ascent to the top of the One World Trade Center. I was afraid then, but I wasn’t alone. I am afraid now, but I am not alone.
In January 12, 2012, I wrote this during a Shady Grove service: “A longing after God says no to offense. A longing after God denies disappointment. A longing after God is the highway out of “D” land – discouragement, depression, etc. The longing in the heart of God is deeper than the disappointment. The measure of his longing is greater than the disappointment. When you sense it- God I feel it but I’m reminding you that your longing for me and my longing for you is greater. Trade the depth of your disappointment for the height of his longing for you.”
May the height of His love and longing for me replace all of my fears today.
Father – Thank You for Your love and truth. Thank You for reaching my heart and teaching me through others. You are good. Your leadership in my life is perfect and You can be trusted. Amen.
Daily Reading: Psalms 108-110