Following their bent…
A dear friend whom we sought counsel from, Jeff, gave us a piece of wisdom that added another layer of prophetic parenting and having a vision for our children – he encouraged us to do three things: start young, train with intention, and look for their specific “bent.” Jeff explained that training a child according to their specific bent was, in his opinion, the key to Biblical parenting. He based his counsel to us this on the popular parenting verse found in Proverbs 22:6:
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.
I personally had a very narrow understanding of this verse. I thought if I took them to church, taught them scripture, and disciplined them enough, they would walk with God at some point in their life. I looked at this verse as a promise – take them to church and they’ll follow in my footsteps of faith.
Sounds easy…but this verse is so much more than that. I learned from studying the scriptures and seeking counsel that this verse held specific principles in parenting God’s way.
Here’s how the Amplified version reads:
Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s
wisdom and will for his abilities and talents], Even when he is old he
will not depart from it.
(emphasis mine)
The Passion Translation puts it another way:
Dedicate your children to God and point them in the way that they should Go [or “Train them in the direction they are best suited to go.”], and the values they’ve learned from you will be with them for life.
(emphasis mine)
The Passion Translation also adds this study note to Proverbs 22:6: “Some Jewish scholars teach this means understanding your children’s talents and then seeing that they go into that field.”
Best suited for them…not me….teach them to seek God for wisdom…not me.
Parenting God’s way – it’s about Him – not me.
Back to my friend’s wisdom: start young, train with intention, and follow their bent.
Start young…. Sounds pretty cut and dry but let me say this – I believe God just wants us to start, no matter what age our children are. While all of these translations specifically say children, and the implication is a young child, it is encouraging to note that the Hebrew word for “child” in this verse, nahar, implies a wide age range – infancy to young 20s.
Train with intention…. From my experience, training of any kind takes time and requires a plan whether training for a new job or some physical feat. When I trained for the Cowtown 10K many years ago, a friend made a very detailed training guide. She told me how far to run each day, where to go to run hills, what to eat, etc. A dear friend that recently completed her first Ironman shared that the training she received was a key factor in being successful. Without proper training – and without following the training prepared specifically for her by her coach – she may not have been successful. Training requires a plan and training takes time. In reality, training never ends. To me, that’s how I apply my friend’s advice to train with intention. For us, we had some “Purtell Family Principles” that we posted as a reminder to both them and us. I cannot tell you HOW many times I held their little hand, walked them to the refrigerator, and read one of the principles. Though our poster is now worn and faded, the principles are still a tool we use and refer to often.
Follow their bent… To me, this is the heart of prophetic parenting. Randal and Alathia have specific giftings and callings. They are wired differently. The discipline that worked for Randal didn’t phase Alathia. The encouragement that worked for her didn’t affect him. The call of God on Randal’s life is completely different than the call on Alathia’s life. God was gracious to show us Randal’s call at a young age – a worshipper. He got his first guitar when he was three, started lessons three years later, and got his “real” guitar, a Martin, soon after. We invested in his gift – Randal was passionate about playing the guitar and worshipping. Everyone of us has a different ‘bent’ – our personalities and abilities are as unique as our own fingerprints. There is only one you and only one me. To me, “following their bent” means allowing them to be who God made them to be while continually pointing them to God, His Word, and a personal relationship with Him.
My response to Solomon’s wisdom in Proverbs 22:6 and my friend’s counsel is best breathed out in a prayer…
Abba, first and foremost, Randal and Alathia belong to You, God – not to me and not to Vance. Randal and Alathia are Yours. Abba God, You have entrusted their souls to us to guide, to instruct, to encourage, and to lead. God, show us how to instruct them according to Your Word and Your ways that they would be passionate lovers and worshippers of You. Give us strategies to train Randal and Alathia in Your ways. Give us wisdom to point them to You. We lay down our agendas and ask for Your will to be done. Show us their giftings and callings from a young age that we may encourage and guide them to fulfill Your destiny for their lives. We acknowledge our need of You. Abba, One thing we desire of You, and that we will seek: that each one of us – Vance, Randal, Alathia, and I will dwell in Your house all the days of our lives, to behold Your beauty and to inquire of You. We do inquire of You and we wait to hear Your voice. Not our will, Father, but Your will be done – here on earth as in heaven. Amen.
Parenting God’s way – hearing His voice then responding to Him and teaching your children to hear His voice and respond to Him – this is what Prophetic Parenting is all about.
Father, teach us to know and hear Your voice that we would walk in Your ways.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8 When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”…
14 Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Psalm 27:7-8, 14
All for Him ~ Marci
